We Got a Stage 5 Clinger!

I hate nothing more than needy ass bitches. And when I say bitches I mean men. Fucking fry guy. ugh. So Monday morning about 10:47 a.m. I'm minding my own business and I get a text. "U left your jacket." Fantastic. I reply "sweet I thought I lost it, I'll have to retrieve that from you." He then says "just let me know." Breezy text nothing further needs to be said. Fast forward to 5:00 p.m.

FG - What are you doing

Me - Working what are you doing?

FG - Drinking

(Really its 5 in the PM, I don't respond)(5 minutes later)

FG - Huh?

(Umm I didn't say anything)(I don't respond)(2 minutes later)

An actual phone call. I do NOT answer. What the fuck dude. Some of us big kids are still at work. Thirty minutes later ...

FG - You should come get your jacket.

(What the fuck dude, that's like 4 texts in 20 minutes AND a phone call)

Me - I can't tonight, but this week for sure.

FG - Ok

(Jesus Christ!) (Fast forward to 8pm)

FG - Can I come over?

(Ok we have a stage 5 clinger on our hands)

I totally freak out.

Me - I can not hang out tonight.

FG - Ok

(Five minutes later)

FG - K

(Thanks I got it!)

Needless to say the entire night I have visions of fry guy breaking in my apartment and stabbing my with a burger flipper. The next mornig he text me at 8:37 a.m.

FG - Sorry if I was being annoying last night, my roommate got me hammered."

Awwwww, I remember my first beer.

Fry Guy

Just when I think things are dying down the man front a guy (fry) pops in and stirs it up. I'll take it from the top. Last Thursday I'm hanging at home minding my own business and a friends invites me down to her bar. I think, sure I'll go for "A" beer. Ha I love how I lie to myself. I go down the ol' spot post up and have a beer. Within moments this creeper ass dude name "Turtle" is like trying to sit on my lap and has introduced himself to me about 3 times. I look over and see this fine young gent sitting at the bar. I immediatley inquire as to who this is. My friend doesnt know but says he's in there all the time. I like his style. So her and I hatch up a plan to move me down to where he is sitting. I sit by him start shooting the shit. First red flag of the evening. He has a black eye. I inquire. He does Jujitsu. Perfectly normal excuse. Next order of business, job situation. He works at a local bar as a cook. Umm kay. Next, age please. He is 24. They keep gettin' younger and I stay the same age. Ugh. Anywho we start drinking heavily and end up closing the bar down. I want to go home but keep playing a phrase in my head that my therapist had told me earlier that day.."just have fun." Sadly she doesnt know how literally I will take this. So I invite my friend and him back to my house. Now, I have to work in the morning at about 8 but at this point in the night, 2 a.m., I really have no concept of what this means. Im thinking that I want to party all night, fuck work, damn the man etc. We get to my house, I'm cracking beers, cracking jokes..its great. Fry guy and I hook up and he stays over, but no bonage. Now I know this may seem totally slutty and out of control, but "I'm having fun." right.

Next morning my alarm goes off at 7 a.m. and I want to die. I realize there is another body sleeping next to me. FUCK. So I pretend to still be asleep. When is he going to leave! I peak over at him and he's just staring at me. AHHH. Red flag number two. Finally he gets a clue and starts to leave. He tells me to take his number down. Im like yeah, sure thing. Then he goes, "Well I have to get to work too, I'm sure its not as intense as your job though," in like the sadest voice ever. Aww fry guy. He's cute and young and knows his place. I think I'll keep him around for a bit.