I had such high hopes. I meet this small man via my bestie. He automatically adds me on the FB and initiates some heavy contact. We start texting and I am going to be in his neighborhood the following day so we make plans to meet. So 2010. I arrive there and he walks out. A stout 5'3 tops. Umm ok, I'm trying not to be so shallow these days. I go inside to the frat house he lives in. He's 28 and I doubt anyone that has ever lived there when to college or even traffic school to be honest. He somehow lures me into his bedroom to watch Southpark. I fall for it, I know what I'm getting myself into but I play coy. We end of making out for like three hours and it's rad. We have insane chemistry and I'm stoked. I leave and end it for the day. The next few days we text and there are a lot of smiley faces and hearts and gay ass shit. I'm loving the attention. I did however forgot to mention a few details. He works at a medical marijuana dispensary and he has no car. Totally minor :\. Anyway fast forward a bit. He ends up coming over and it's a lot of the same. Making out blah blah. Then it starts getting all crucial i.e hot and heavy and I haven't had sex in about 10 months. No joke. So I'm like fuck yeah, let's do this. I like you, you like me. Let's make some bad decisions. It's on. We're about to get down and he stops and says, "I think we should wait." ARE YOU KIDDING ME. Dude this is not the time. I've waited long enough. I then find myself thinking how dudes think. Like this guy is a total tease, why did he even come over if he's not going to put out..blah blah. I finally break him and it's all good. Afterward he makes a joke "are we going steady now." Please stop sir before I kick you out of my house now.
So this was 4 nights ago. Contact since then, rad, texting talking, etc. Then there was tonight. Feeeeck. Ok so I call him and he's being all Debbie Downer status. So then he says to me "I'm just going to be honest with you..." Never a good sign. He proceeds to tell me how he found out that his ex-fiancé is boning his good friend and how he can't believe how people can be like that and that sex is evil and people who are married for like 60 years don't even have sex and in conclusion people just don't know how to keep it in their pants. I wish I could type the face I made when I heard this and even now. Ummm........................................ I can't. I then find myself talking him off the ledge and sharing past breakup experiences. Are we best friends? How did we get to this point. It's only been a fucking WEEK. Then he just abruptly ends the conversation with "I'm gonna take a Tylenol PM and pass out." Followed by a text 15 minutes later "thanks for being so rad!" I do not respond.
Thanks for being a fucking douchbag. Sorry dude I don't have time to be your emotional tampon. Please off yourself or call one of your homies to sort this shit out. Planed Parenthood is closed. She's probably fucking your friend because you are a garden gnome and you sell weed. Duh.
