Burning Bridges

I need to contact a doctor to have my thumbs cut off. I really think it will be the only way to save face at all during a night of serious drinking. Friday night a few of my girlfriends and I decided we were going to go out and paint the town red. Great idea, so I thought. We started the evening with a few glasses of wine, which quickly became drinking straight out of the wine bottle. Classy I know. I then spilled red wine on my white shirt. I should have know then that the night was going to be horrific. After wine the Captain called and I answered. Had a shot of that. We then went to the first bar which consisted of a mix of frat and douche. To spice things up as if I wasn't already spiced, I had a shot of Patron. I fucking hate tequila so I have no idea where this urge came from. I'm blaming the captain. Stay at douch central for a few then went down to my local watering hole. Now mind you I was already fucked up at this point and should have went home and put myself to bed...but what fun would that be.
At the watering hole I drank 2 tall cans and had another shot of some fruity large thing. It was beat and I did not need it. What happened next happens to all us girls at one point or another while we are painting the town red. I sent the drunk text. No biggie except I sent it to Flame. UGH. As if I haven't fucked with his head enough right. The breezy text was sent at 1am. Wonder what I was thinking about. Without completely reliving the horror, I asked him to come hang out, he declined, I insisted, he declined, I then said "you know it will be a good time", no reponse, I then asked again, and he wrote "why?"
So embarassing I want to die. But of course, I need to make everything right and I sent him a text yesterday to which he did not respond. I feel really excellent about this. If it was anyone else, who cares. BUT I worked really hard to file this relationship of sorts under friendship and rebuild the bridge that I not only burned but blew up just to lose it all to a few shots and some tall cans. A small side note that need be noted, while leaving the bar I barfed in the cab on the way home. I am one classy bitch.

Is just coffee...right?

I am extremely awkward. I create intense dramatic situations for myself without really thinking them through. Then when the created moment is approaching, I usually panic and want to escape. I opened a really large can of worms yesterday. I asked an old flame to coffee. AHHH!!! I mean it was totally breezy. I had to pick up a friend from the airport and thought it would be a great idea to have coffee with Flame. We haven't talked in over 2 years and things ended badly on my part, sounds like a great idea right.

The plan was to meet at 6:00 p.m. at the local Starbucks. I hoped I would get there first since I have issues with exiting my car. I didn't want to pull a Britt Britt and show the goods. I pull in and thank god he wasn't there. I go inside order my coffee and wait. I decide it should look like I'm doing something while I wait, something smart. I mosey over to the newspaper stand pick up a paper and make the interested face as I fake read. You know the one. I glanced up through the window and see him drive up. I look back down at the paper now giving the, this is VERY interesting fake face. My coffee is up, onto the creamer bar. I see him walking up and I look down and start stirring my coffee very vigorously. When am I supposed to make eye contact, I am giving this WAY too much thought. Flame rolls in wearing some cute duds and a flashes me his famous smile. We hugged and it was nice.

I had about two hours to kill. Flame and I chatted it up and there were only two awkward moments. Awkward #1 I say how airport friend is in love and meeting up with her "soul mate" while she is in town. Bad idea..Flame definitely thought I was his soul mate at one point in history and expressed this to me. Flame made some inappropriate joke and I rolled my eyes. Awkward #2 I decided to mention that airport friend didn't think it was a good idea that we were meeting up. Flame looked straight at me and agreed. OUCH.

Fast forward another uncomfortable 20 minutes and it was time for me to get out. He walked me to my car. Now here's where it gets interesting. Not sure what is really going on..not really sure what this whole coffee experience was about. We go in for the hug, my head turned to the left (totally normal), his head, straight on. Now I don't know if he was going in for the kill, but I got really nervous and just did the like friend back tap hug. He then scampered off to his truck.

Hmmmm.........what just happened.

Followed up the coffee "thing" the today with a lil' text, "Hi (smiley face) thanks for meeting me, it was really good to see you. Hope I wasn't too awkward (smiley face)."

For future reference one smiley face would have been sufficient. And why did I apologize for being awkward. Smooth.

Time Line

Remember when you were 17 and you were a senior in high school and you were talking with all your senior girlfriends in the quad and you say the following statement, "I'm going to be married when I'm 25 and have my first baby at 27. I'll have a boy first so he can take of his little sister who I'll have when I'm 29. Aww!"

Fast forward 11 years. By the timeline I created for myself, Mr. Right should be at work, our "son" should be in preschool, and I should be thinking about getting knocked up again. The thought of this makes me want to vomit. Don't get me wrong marriage and a family is what most little girls dream of, but what do you do when this doesn't happen. Do you drive to the ol' golden gate and jump off, or do you make the best of it and keep the dream alive. As much as I would love to be the next star of The Bridge, I'll take the latter.

Some people are settling down, some people are settling, and some won't settle for anything less than perfect.